The leanliest meal of all

Being on my second night of singledom and an adaptable sort, I thought I'd try to re-imagine my eating habits. I would become the 7 packets of Lean Cuisine in the freezer type person.

My expectations were a somewhat limp meal, far inferior to anything you could make for yourself but having the certain stodgy satisfaction you might get from macaroni cheese. I chose the can't-get-this-wrong pack of Lean Cuisine Tasmanian SALMON with PASTA - Tasmanian salmon pieces in a creamy white wine and vegetable sauce served over al dente pasta. Placing it in my basket, my shopping experience was ruined by not being able to buy any ice-cream in fear of the checkouter imagining that, having rewarded myself with my tasty and light meal, I'd then go and gorge myself in guilty self-hating pleasure.

It's crap. The spiral pasta tasted like the rinsed off leftovers of yesterday's pasta salad. The salmon had a vaguely salmony taste but the texture was like a pre-chewed tongue of heavily gummed jelly babies. Bringing up the nutrient were a few slivers of carrot and teeny tiny pieces of broccoli from one unit of broccoli several orders smaller than a floret. The sauce succeeds in balancing vomity looks with vomity taste, with a sweet bechamel sauce that tastes like it's cold when it's hot. If you like this, call me, I can help.

Anyway, who makes this shit? Ah what a surprise.